Drawn into Insanity
by pegasus5406
Summary: This is was written for the Bella's Insane Contest...Rated M for sexual activity and extreme violance Pairing Jake/Bella/Edward enjoy


**Drawn into Insanity**

**Written for the**

'**Bella's Insane Contest.'**

**Beta: Kraftychik.**

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They say that I'm what is called insanely drawn…which my doctor says I'm not completely insane, but just this side of it. She also says I was drawn into it, that I just one day broke. I had been through so much throughout my life that my mind couldn't take anymore and bam…the new Bella Swan.

I sat in her office that seemed more like a clean room or still yet a suave bedroom. Thick dark blue drapes hung at the window tied back with golden ties to a hook mounted to the wall just on the outside of the facing. At the top a valence draped in the center that added elegance to the room. To the side of the room lie a desk made of a rich mahogany wood carefully carved into a sophisticated pattern all the way to the claw feet it sat on, most elegant. A book shelf in the same wood and design held a number of books that I would love to take a look at. I wondered if they were all medical books or if at least a few were of authors I would know and love to read, even if I had read them before.

In the center of the room lay a double bed with at least a dozen throw pillows lining the head board once again in an array of rich blue colors along with the magnificent comforter that lie covering the bed. The tall pillars on all four corners were designed in the same elegant wood as the desk and bookshelf. The carpet on the floor was thick making it hard to walk on especially in heels. I imagined myself spread out on this mat of comfort with Jake, especially in front of the fireplace that sat across the room opposite the desk. The mantle once again copied the rest of the room with candles lined up in different shapes and sizes. The rich blue tiles that surrounded the hearth gave a glow to the room as the wood flickered and glowed brightly behind the grate. There was a throw rug just in front of the fireplace in a rustic color, but in a structured shape, it looked soft and inviting and all I wanted to do was lie down and wallow in its silky fur…umm Jake.

"Isabella?" a voice said bringing me from my onslaught of feeling with Jake's warm arms wrapped completely around me keeping me safe and out of harm's way.

"Isabella?" The voice says again, as I turn to look into the eyes of the woman that sat to my side. "Where were you just now?" she asked as I smiled and leaned my head against the soft lounger where I sat with my feet stretched out in front of me. I placed my arm over my head and smiled warmly with Jake still on my mind.

"I was thinking about Jake," I sighed happily wearing a satisfied smile on my lips.

"Is that the boy you mentioned yesterday?" she asked softly, as she wrote in the little book she held firmly in her grip.

"Is he your boyfriend?" she asked as a soft smile once again crossed my lips and I closed my eyes remembering Jake. His strong arms holding me tight against his pronounced chest as he thrusts his hard length into my core whispering his love and devotion to me, remembering what it felt like as the tip of his manhood hit that special place that sent me soaring into the abyss of ecstasy and pleasure as we both gave way to our release leaving us both satiated.

"Isabella?" The female voice came again bringing me back once again from my place of comfort.

"Humm," I moaned in answer to this disturbance, as I stretched almost in a drug induced pleasure.

"Isabella?" she said again and I was getting quite agitated with this woman's constant interruption of my pleasant memories.

"What!" I yelled hatefully, sitting straight up, as I glared at the woman with a completely different attitude. She sat and looked down at her book not saying a word. She looked as if she hadn't noticed my changing posture. I shifted my eyes and leaned back to the same position I was in before and smiled softly to myself as I brought up once again, memories of the same night I was in Jake's arms. His lips pressed softly onto my own. His moans letting me know how he felt, how I pleased him just by touch. His hard erection pressed firmly against my thigh as his fingers worked magically thrusting in and out of my wetness. Umm…Jake.

"Isabella?" the soft voice called again. I sighed knowing this woman would not leave me alone, so I opened my eyes and looked at the woman with irritation. "Isabella, this won't take long we need to discuss a few things before I let you return to your room," she replied as I cleared my throat before I spoke.

"Bella," I said. One word and nothing more, I hated the use of my given name and why everyone wished to call me by that stupid name I had no idea. I tired of telling every single person I met to call me Bella.

"Okay, Bella, can you answer of few questions for me?" she asked softly. I felt no threat from this woman so I nodded my answer then sighed as I rolled my eyes. "Thank you. Can you tell me who I am?" she questioned. I looked at her moving my eyes to scan her entire body from head to her three inch Christian Louboutin heels. How does she walk on this carpet with those? I asked myself, as I shook my head composing myself to her question.

"I suppose you're my doctor, or at least that's what I've been told," I said nonchalantly.

"Do you remember my name and why you are here?" She proceeded again. I took a deep breath.

"Dr. Elizabeth Riesner and I was told that I hurt a lot of people and was sent here for medical treatment because I don't remember doing it," I told her as I let my eyes roam around the room.

"Very good Bella and I am here to help you remember and to find out why you did the things you did," she admitted. I rolled my eyes still not bringing my eyes back to the good doctor. "I have been told that you blackout from time to time and this is when these occurrences happen, is that so?" she continued. I nodded my head in answer to her question. It was true that I blacked out every now and again and in truth it did bother me, I didn't understand it. I would be at home in bed and when I would wake from the darkness, I'd find myself clear across town in a coffee shop that I had never heard of or seen before dressed most inappropriately. My head would be clouded with worry, confusion on how I had gotten here in the first place. It had happened a few times and I never knew how I got here or remembered arriving here. They said I hurt people while in this dark place, but how was that possible? They said that I hurt mostly men, how can this be? I am no more than a slip of a girl and I knew in my heart I would never do such a thing.

I sat there thinking, wondering how this could be…I wondered if Edward Cullen had set this up…his family was well off and had the kind of money that could pull off such a thing, but still I couldn't explain the blackouts… unless he drugged me somehow, but I stopped seeing Edward a long time ago. He was very upset the day I broke it off with him. He blamed Jake and although I was seeing him now I wasn't at the time of Edward's accusation.

"Isabella?" She called again softly. I cleared my head and looked at her. "I would like to do a procedure that will allow me to see into your sub-conscious. It will involve putting you to sleep, but will allow me to see what happened during your blackouts. I don't need your permission for this for the courts ordered me to find out why you did what you did and to prove you weren't in your right mind at the time, but I would like your permission in doing this just the same. I promise it won't hurt, but you will remember as we dig deep into your mind and find those missing pieces…are you alright with me doing this?" she asked firmly. I looked at her knowing I didn't have a choice…what else was new, I asked myself. This was an everyday occurrence. Why would she care if I minded or not, no one else had cared one way or another, no one ever stopped long enough to ask my opinion or bothered to give me a choice, but then again I did want to find out what was going on with me and if she could help then so be it. I sighed then looked up at her.

"If I can find out what was causing these blackouts and prove that I didn't have anything to do with hurting those people…then I guess it is fine with me," I told her, which brought a smile to her face.

"Good, we'll start first thing tomorrow. I'll have one of the guard's take you back to your room. Get some rest Bella and I'll see you tomorrow," she said gleefully as she stood up and walked gracefully across the floor, opened the door and whispered to the guard to take me back to my room.

A tall man entered the room; he wore a white jacket like shirt and white pants with white shoes. He was very muscular; I noticed this even through the thick white shirt he wore as the muscles protruded, stretching the material to its capacity. He had short blonde curly hair and when he smiled at me the dimples dug deep into his beautiful cheeks. He was gentle as he took my arm and led me to my room that was more of a cell.

The walls were acoustic and as he placed me in the room and closed the door, locking me in, my ear drums felt as though they would burst from how quiet it was. The room only housed a mattress on an oblong box that was fastened securely to the floor. It also had a tube of sorts that served as a toilet and sink that didn't work until you wave your hand under the hole in the wall, the sink itself was covered in some kind of soft material that couldn't be pried off with my hand almost as it was painted on. I guessed it was for those that might be suicidal, but I couldn't figure out why they had put me in this kind of room. It never even crossed my mind to take my own life, even if I did do the things they told me I did.

I sighed and lay on the uncomfortable bed provided. I stared at the ceiling as everything that had happened in the last few weeks crossed my mind. The sadness my father held in his eyes as they took me from his custody to bring me to this place.

My dad is the chief of police in a small town in Forks, Washington and because he was so, I got to stay with him under his supervision. I knew my dad pulled a lot of strings to make that happen. He didn't want me to spend months in a jail cell as I went through the process of court and whether or not I was in the right mind or not to go through a trial. In the end they decided, seeing that I didn't remember doing the things they said I did, to put me in this institution to get help.

My father held his self responsible for everything I supposedly had done. He said he knew I was broken, but he loved me so much that he thought he, along with his best friend Billy and his son-my boyfriend Jake, could bring me back from the darkness I was in. He said he should have found me the help I needed, hence he felt it was his fault. I argued with him telling him I didn't know what he was talking about, which brought on a barrage of his tears, as he slumped to the ground and covered his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking from his intense sadness, as Billy rubbed his back and the car I was in drove away to the institute.

I woke the next morning with the clanging of the metal tray that was placed on the floor just inside my door. I sat up and rubbed my eyes before standing and walking over to the tray that held the powdered eggs and rubbery sausage and the stale piece of bread that sat miserably on the tray. I bent down and retrieved the substance and walked back to my bed sitting on the edge looking at what they called food. I missed cooking in my kitchen to feed my father and wondered if he was getting enough to eat and if it was healthy enough for him. He was getting up in age and I knew a balanced meal was needed to keep up his strength. I sighed as I began to eat the substance that they called breakfast not because I wanted to, but because I was hungry and needed the energy to get through this day.

After finishing my so called breakfast I placed the tray at the door again and walked to the sink and washed my face and hands. I picked up the paper towel provided and dried myself off as I heard the keys jiggling in the lock as the door opened. I looked to see who was there to find the same handsome man from yesterday. He didn't say a word, but gave me the same dimpled smile as yesterday and held out his hand for me to come to him. I walked over to him as he took my arm again and led me to the community bathroom. There was a woman with long blonde hair equally as beautiful as the guard that stood at the door of the shower. She held her hands together in front of her and never gave me a moment's glance. The guard left for a short moment and returned with a clean orange jumpsuit I wore each day while in this place and left me alone to shower. The woman never moved a muscle while I showered and dressed. She pointed to the bench for me to take a seat as she radioed someone to come and get me. It wasn't long before the same man came and led me to the office of my doctor once again. He knocked and I heard the muffled voice of the doctor tell him to come in as he pushed me gently into the office.

"Ahhh…Bella, come in…how did you sleep?" she asked as she walked over and took the same seat she sat in yesterday. I followed her, taking my seat and looked at her glumly.

"Fine…thanks," I replied as I placed my hands in my lap gripping them tightly. I was worried what would happen today as I recalled the doctor telling me that once I regained the lost memories of what I had been accused of doing, that I would slowly remember every detail and it would stay foremost in my mind. I was frightened of what would be revealed. I was sure I hadn't done the things they said, but maybe I was there and saw things that would help law enforcement catch who was really responsible. I even thought that maybe something I saw might have caused my blackouts and was the reason I couldn't remember all they said I had done, but in reality was someone else that had set me up to take the fall.

"Very good Bella, shall we begin?" she asked softly. I nodded, still frightened beyond belief. She rose and walked to the bed that sat in the center of the room and told me to lie down. I did what she asked as she picked up a tape recorder and made her way to the chair that sat by the bed that matched the room. She crossed her legs and sighed. "Okay Bella…I want you to relax. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly releasing all your nervousness. Close your eyes and listen to nothing but my voice," she said softly, I did what she asked and released all my anxiety. I felt a pinch and then my mind felt like it was swirling around in my head, then I felt as though clouds were taking the place of my mind. Swirling like a storm was approaching, but I didn't seem to care. I felt light as a feather and relaxed more than I'd imagined was possible.

"Can you hear me Bella?" the voice asked.

"Yes," I said almost in a whisper.

"You must answer all the questions I put before you…do you understand Bella?" the voice said again. I nodded. "No…you must answer," she continued.

"Yes, I understand."

"Very good…you're doing very well…Now…I want you to imagine a clock. I want you to look at the hands of the clock. Can you see it Bella?" the voice continued. I did as she asked and to my surprise a clock appeared from beyond the mist of clouds. I looked at the hands as they moved fluidly.

"Yes, I see it."

"Very good Bella…we are going to use this clock to back up time in your mind. I want you to imagine the hands on this clock as they begin to move counter clockwise, will you try that for me and let me know when it starts to move?" she asked.

"Yes." I agreed as I imagined the hands of the clock moving the opposite direction and within a few seconds the hands stopped and slowly began to move backwards, I smiled at what I had accomplished.

"They're moving backwards," I told her.

"Very well done Bella…Now this might be a little bit trickier, I want you to let those hands go backwards until you come to one of the times you had a blackout. Now to do this you must let the clock know where to stop. Your mind will know when to stop just will the clock to stop when your mind gets to that point in time. Do you understand Bella?"

"Yes, I understand." I wasn't sure what she meant but I tried anyway. I told the clock with my mind to back up until it hit the time I blacked out and to my surprise it did it. The mist cleared beyond the clock and there stood a wooden door. I was afraid to approach the door because I didn't know what was on the other side.

"I'm there, but I am afraid," I told the voice.

"What do you see Bella?" she asked.

"There's a door beyond the clock," I told her.

"That's very good Bella. It's supposed to be there, it houses all your secrets, especially the ones that you don't remember during your blackouts, Bella. I know you're frightened, but you must enter the door, we will not learn what we need to know if you do not enter. Walk up to the door and turn the handle and enter the room. There is nothing to be afraid of, my dear. I am with you and will stay with you while we continue on your journey. Do you understand Bella?"

"Yes, I understand. I know she wanted me to enter this room but I was so afraid. But somehow I knew she was there and would help me through this so I did what she asked. I walked to the door and placed my hand on the handle and turned it slowly; once it was released from its catch it flowed open the rest of the way on its own.

"It's open."

"Very well done Bella…what can you see," she asked. I looked around as the mist cleared again and noticed I was standing in a long hall with doors positioned on both sides. I groaned as I thought to myself that I would have to go through the same fear with each door I had to open. "It will be alright Bella…please answer the question," she continued.

"I see a long hall with doors positioned on both sides," I told her.

"Very well, there's no need to worry, I'll be with you and some doors we won't need to open, and they will stay locked for only your eyes to see. But the ones we need to enter are the ones that are glowing…Now," she said as it must have been a trigger word for as soon as she said that some of the doors glowed a bright color of green. "Do you see the doors that are glowing Bella?" she asked.

"Yes, I see them," I replied.

"Good…go to the first door that is nearest you and open it for me Bella," she told me. I walked up to the door and stared at it. I was so afraid; these were the things that I thought were so frightening that I closed my mind off too. I didn't know what I would find in there and at that moment I wished Jake was here with me in my mind to hold my hand and as soon as I thought that he appeared before me.

"_Jake, is it really you?" "It's me Bells, take my hand honey, we'll walk through this together", _he said. _"I'm so afraid Jake, what will I see in there?" _ I asked. _"Whatever we see, we'll do it together…okay honey?" _I nodded as he raised my hand in his strong warm fist and moved them to his lips and kissed them lightly.

"Jake," I whispered.

"Bella is Jake in there with you?" she asked.

"Yes, he's come to help me open the doors," I told her. I heard her sigh before she spoke again.

"That's fine Bella, can you open the door?" she asked.

"Yes, I think I can now," I whispered as I turned the handle and the door opened. The mist was thick here and I was having trouble seeing anything and told the voice so.

"Don't worry it will dissipate in a few moments," she explained. She was right; after a few minutes the mist began to disperse and a place came into view. "What are you seeing Bella?" she asked.

"It's a bar; the music is almost deafening," I walked in and looked around, "I don't see anyone I know," and then I saw her. "It's me," I gasped. "I'm dressed in… I don't know what, a very short skirt, so short that if I bent over I'd give everyone a show. The top isn't much better and I have enough makeup on to paint a house. This isn't me…I mean it is but," I was surprised to see this, I would never go out in public dressed like this but evidently I had at some point in time. I mean it's my mind and my memories.

"Go on Bella," she pushed.

"I can see why I would hide this in the dark corners of my mind. I'm dancing with some guy, I can't see his face, but he's all over me. One of his hands is rubbing my breasts, while the other is dipping under my skirt. I have a pleasurable look on my face, but I would never show this much PDA around other people. I flung my head back to his chest and almost fell. He took the hand that was rubbing my breast and moved it to my waist to hold me up for my knees just gave out. He's kissing my neck and whispering something into my ear… Were leaving," I told her.

"Keep following Bella," she demanded. I watched as this person that was supposed to be me was almost carried out of the bar.

"They're crossing the street; I think this is Port Angeles. They're entering the wooded area across the street". It was like watching a movie. I stood there, frozen, still relaying each event to the doctor, as he threw her against a tree and raised her up so her face was even with his; she wrapped her legs around his waist. He lowered his pants and then he shoved himself into her, they were both moaning. He took long deep strokes; I could hear her yelling in pleasure. He took her breasts into his mouth and he suckled them. They were both panting, he was talking dirty to her and she seemed to enjoy it. They must have hit their pleasuring point, because they slowed. He dropped her to her feet as he fastened his pants; she was smoothing out her hair and her skirt. She smiled at him. He smirked and turned to leave. She asked him where he was going. He stopped and looked over his shoulder at her. He told her he's going home. She asked if she could come too, but he only laughed and turned to her, telling her that he would never take a slut like her to his home. He laughed again and then turned to leave once more. Her face…her face was stoic, she reached into her bag and pulled out a dagger; running up behind him and jabbing the knife deep into his neck, he yelled before falling to the ground. She then straddled him from the back and repeatedly stabbed him in the back. She began to laugh and placed the knife back into her bag, looking around before running to her truck and climbing in, heading home as if nothing had happened. Once there she cleaned the knife and hid it under her mattress. She showered and crawled into bed.

I paused not believing what I had seen. It was me, but it wasn't me. I had come out of the trance I was in and just laid there staring at the ceiling.

"Bella it's alright. It will take some getting used to, but I'll help you get over all this. We'll work together and find out what caused it all. There a reason you've done this and it's why you've had your blackouts. Your mind was trying to protect itself and with my help you'll get through this," I promise," she reassured.

Everyone was right…I was insane. I was downright looney-toons. I was led back to my room and gave some medicine to help me sleep. In the weeks to come I had learned a lot of what I've done, in the end I had killed five men and a woman who stumbled onto one of my prey after I had killed him. I slit her throat and left her with the guy I just slaughtered. I slipped into a catatonic state. I was put into a room where they fed me intravenously and strapped me to the bed and is where I stayed for the next five years. After I came out of my catatonic state I reentered by treatments with Doctor Riesner. I learned that I had a bad time excepting my break-up with Edward and it wasn't me that broke it off, it was him. It was Jacob Black that nursed me through it.

After spending so much time with him we also fell in love and were seeing each other for over two years before I walked in on him and my best friend Angela making love in our bed. That's when the blackouts started. I was retreating into my own mind and acting out the way I thought they saw me. I felt I wasn't good enough to be with these two men and both had broken my heart and mind beyond repair. After five more years in the mental institution I was set free. My father was waiting at the door as I left. He looked so old. I had put him through so much hell. The worry and blame he put on himself had been hard on my dad. I put my hand on the side of his face and told him none of it was his fault. But I don't think he believed it.

Shortly after I was committed my father was forced into an early retirement do to my actions, but he never told me about it. That and with all the worry I had put him through had weakened my dad's heart. I wasn't home a week before my dad had a massive heart attack that took his life. I was devastated and totally guilty of all he had been forced to deal with. I locked myself up in the house and was never seen again. I only went out to buy food, for doctor's appointments or for some other emergencies. And I stayed like that until the day I died, which was some twenty years later. They buried me next to my father with a headstone that simply read.

**Here lies Bella Marie Swan.**

**Daughter.**


End file.
